Nightmare before my Christmas.

Hey everybody, Its Reggie. Today is Christmas Day. Yes its here and what a fucking nightmare it has become. I have slowly been overwhelmed with the anticipation of Christmas on its way. Wrapped up in what I haven't done and what gifts I didn't buy. In combination to many hours at work, the unappreciative attitude and all around negativity. I lost sight of the real important stuff. ME! and the people that love me. Sounds weird as I write this that someone might love me (sometimes I don't think I have the goods). I became overwhelmed with anxiety and depression completely shutting down. I had been warn to the very bottom. I felt there was no way-out but this downward spiral that I created for myself, an endless loop of self loathing and loneliness. I didn't want to exist for anyone let alone for me. I decided to turn my back on everyone and everything. Turning my phone off and all communication to the outside world. For 12 hours I was alone. Ignoring family and friends to which I believed I was toxic to. When I did surface, to my surprise and alarm. My family came looking for me, greeted me covered in tears, angry and glad to see I was alive, as they thought something terrible might have happened. Thinking to myself what did i do? I might not be as alone as I believed! I didn't realize my well being does affect others. What I do does affect the outcome. And I'm loved...

P.S. I'm truly sorry to everyone I affected during this time, especially Jade and Amber who I love more than words can say, more than you know. You both will always have a very special place in my heart. I promise to never hurt you ever again. I miss and love you both in my world as crazy and fucked up it can be.

Thank You. Peace,
Reggie

Christmas what does it all mean?

Hey everybody, Its Reggie. Can you believe its Christmas Eve already, WOW! I know for me and maybe most of us the holidays bring with them joy and angst. For me they are an emotional roller coaster. For the past four years I shared the Christmas spirit with my girlfriend and her family. That's is until we separated in August. This year since I don't have that person to share the holiday with. All my efforts to be in the Christmas spirit faded as the days went by, work was hell, working everyday since Wednesday totaling about 65 hours. I didn't have time to shop or even think and reflect for myself what this holiday means without someone in my life. My mind is wrapped around being alone. A concept Ive been trying to grasp. I don't have that person to share the holiday with. I feel alone. Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I think I need to be alone and feel this.

Peace,
Reggie

Rat Race.

Feeling tired, and alone. No time to get anything done. Working late tonight and every night this week. A part of me is looking forward to the Christmas shopping. It always puts me in the mood of the holidays (even if it always at the last minute). Need to sleep. Been up all night with tooth ache. Hopefully I can get more done tomorrow.

Peace,
Reggie

What A Wonderful World It Is.

Well hello everybody, Its me Reggie. You never know how your life will turn. Change is inevitable and will happen no matter how much you fight it. The good thing about our brain is as much we resist the change over time you find yourself getting used to the "new way" and everything is fine again. Of course until change comes around again. Here's a thought why not anticipate change welcome it in your life and not fear it. Embrace it sooner rather than later so you can get back to that comfortable zone in your life. "What a wonderful world it is".

Peace,
Reggie